Trigger Warning!!: depression and suicide, manipulating and being manipulated.
I had no strong opinion of this book throughout the first half, but by the end it had me close to tears. The ending went in a direction that I didn’t want it to, although I understand why it is the way it is. The Midnight Library is about all the choices we have in life, and all the possibilities we can take along the way. There are strong elements of suicide and depression, which steer the course of this book. Having dealt with strong feelings such as these, I can empathize with the main character, Nora, as she navigates her life and decides what she wants to do with it.
Nora Seed is a 36 year old woman from Bedford, England. She is incredibly dissatisfied with her life and the choices she has made up to this point. Her regrets dwell with her and weigh her down on a daily basis. Throughout her day, in addition to losing her job at the music store, losing her only piano student, her cat dying, and having an altercation with a former bandmate, she contemplates how her brother is avoiding her, her best friend won’t return her texts, and how she left her ex-fiancé a few days before the wedding right after her mother died. Nora can’t seem to find any reason to keep on living. She feels as though she has totally messed up her life in every way possible, and that no one needs her or would miss her if she just disappeared. Nora then tries to kill herself by overdosing on her antidepressants.
When Nora awakens, she is in a strange library with her former school librarian, Mrs. Elm. Mrs. Elm explains that this is the Midnight Library, a place between life and death. All of the books in the library are lives Nora could have lived had she made different choices. She is encouraged to try these different lives and see if she likes any of them. All Nora has to do is tell Mrs. Elm what life she wants to live and Mrs. Elm will find that book. If Nora gets disappointed in that life, she will immediately return to the Midnight Library, but if she is happy in that life, she will be able to stay indefinitely.
The first life Nora tries is one in which she stays with her ex-fiancé Dan, and they open a pub in the countryside which was always Dans dream. Nora is impressed at first, but then slowly realizes this life is too good to be true. The pub faces financial problems, and Dan is a borderline alcoholic who has cheated on Nora. She suddenly remembers all the red flags and difficulties she had with Dan in her root life and is taken back to the Midnight Library.
Next she tries a life where she keeps her cat indoors, hoping to prevent his death. Unfortunately she finds the cat dead under her bed, and Mrs. Elm explains that he was meant to die at that time because of a heart condition. However, he was very happy in his life with Nora, and her regrets about leaving Dan and being a bad cat owner fade away from the Book of Regrets (a book holding everything she’s ever regretted throughout her life).
Nora continues to sample her various lives, all leading to some form of disappointment, either in those around her or herself:
- If Nora would have moved to Australia with her best friend Izzy, Izzy would have died in a car crash on the way to Nora’s birthday party.
- If Nora would have continued swimming, she could have been an Olympic swimmer, retired early, and been an inspirational speaker. Her dad, after cheating on her mother, would have lived longer, but her mother ends up dying sooner. Her brother is friendly with her but she still feels trapped and unfulfilled.
- If Nora had become a glaciologist she would have had a near death experience with a polar bear! In this life she meets Hugo, who is also skipping between lives. They discuss the quantum mechanics of their situation and how Hugo is not content staying in one life and must continue to experience as many as he can.
- If Nora had decided to stay in her brothers band “The Labyrinths”, she would have become an international rockstar and dated her childhood movie star crush! But her brother would have died of an overdose, and scandals and invasions of privacy would have become the norm.
- If Nora had worked at an animal shelter instead of the music store, she would have a cute golden retriever boyfriend, who has too many dogs at home.
- If Nora went to America, she would have married a Mexican-American and co-owned a winery in California.
Slowly, after many many lives, Nora begins to appreciate life. She enjoys seeing all the things she is capable of doing and marvels at how a small change in her life can affect the lives of her brother, parents, and friends. As she continues living life after life (practically every life possible) she begins to lose sight of her root self and decides she wants to try and settle down.
The best life that Nora visits is one in which she is married to Ash (a surgeon who helped her burry her cat in her root life and once asked her out for coffee which she declines because she is seeing Dan) and has a daughter Molly. Almost everything in this life is perfect, from her home and family, to her job and activities. She really believes she is meant to stay in this life after realizing the love is what was missing from her root life, but she slowly begins to feel like an imposter, someone who is taking over this life that isn’t really hers. I want to just shake Nora at this point and scream “It is your life just take it and live it and be happy!”. As she continues on, she starts to see how her actions in this life have altered those of the neighbors in her root life. Her next door neighbor is now in a nursing home he hates, presumably because Nora was never his neighbor and was not able to help him with tasks when things got hard. She also sees her only piano student being led into a life of crime because she was not there to teach him music and keep him out of trouble. Distraught, Nora knows she is returning to the Midnight Library. I want to cry at this point because she has a beautiful family and she ends up just leaving them. To me, this is the most heartbreaking part of the whole book. After returning home to see her beautiful family one last time, she returns to the Midnight Library.
Once back at the library, Nora is desperate to return to her previous life, but it is too late. The Midnight Library begins to crumble around Nora and Mrs. Elm, signifying something is happening to Nora in her root life. If Nora dies, the library ceases to exist. The destruction of the library is terrifying, as if it is burning down and crumbling to dust all at once. Mrs. Elm instructs Nora to find the book of her root life and gives her a pen. After struggling for what seems like an eternity, Nora finds the book and writes “I am alive”. She then wakes up in her root life, on the brink of death from the overdose.
Very sick, Nora seeks out help from her neighbor who calls an ambulance. While in recovery, her brother visits and they are able to repair their relationship. He explains he is going through his own challenges but pleads with Nora not to try and leave him like that again. Things begin to look up for Nora, who has a newfound appreciation for life. She begins to right the wrongs of her life, starting with keeping her single piano student out of the criminal justice system and visiting the real life Mrs. Elm in a nursing home and playing chess with her. Nora is now filled with gratitude for all the possibilities she has, and for not knowing just how life will play out, but having the power to shape and influence hers and others for the better.
My Thoughts:
It kills me that Nora left her life with Ash and Molly! It just feels like that was the life she was looking for, the life where she was truly happy! And I understand not wanting the neighbor and piano boy to be uncomfortable, but their life is not necessarily her responsibility, right? I feel like her concern should be about her family, her husband and daughter. This could just be me projecting because one of my biggest wants in life is a happy and healthy relationship with a partner and possibly kids. When I tell you I was literally holding my breath hoping she didn’t end up back at the library even though I could tell that was what was going to happen… ugh!!! But at the same time, I understand her thoughts of being an imposter. She didn’t build that life and make those choices (technically). I probably would have felt the same. But would I have left? Would you have? I don’t think it’s possible to really know without being in that situation.
The other aspect of this book I found interesting was that in all of the lives she tried first, she was making choices just to make others happy. In her life with Dan it was his dream to open a pub, not Nora’s. In her life in Australia it was Izzy’s dream to move there and once she died, Nora didn’t quite know what to do with herself. In her Olympic swimmer life, it was her dad who really wanted her to peruse swimming, not her. She realizes over time (or lives) that she has to start making choices for herself and prioritizing her own happiness. What’s also interesting is that in each of those lives she made choices based on what someone else wanted, their attitude towards life and Nora didn’t really change. Dan still cheated on Nora and seemed unhappy with her, and it was implied that her dad paid her back by cheating on her mom with another swimmers mother. It’s almost like she expected everyone to just be grateful she structured her life to make them happy, and they weren’t! Which, of course they weren’t, Nora never really spoke up for herself in these lives and said what she really wanted, or tried to pursue her own dreams. Everyone probably thought she was happy with her life. I think that just goes to show you that people are going to be the same (generally speaking) no matter what you so, so make sure you are advocating for yourself, because not a lot of people will do that for you!
Overall I think this turned out to be a very informative book, or at the very least, a good story to read. It definitely stirred emotions in me and inspired me to do some self reflection. Anybody else?
-Atlas
Leave a Reply